You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
