My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you win again, gameday.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
