Three words: puerto rican gang bang
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize