Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
