You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
