either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
