She is in my trunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
