you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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