when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
