saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
