he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
