i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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