hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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