You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
did i just pee glitter
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
