so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drake has all the answers
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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