you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize