just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
