i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
