What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
