so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
