He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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