I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
