Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
