i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
