i already hear my dad disowning me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
