i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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