did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
