We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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