Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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