There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
