im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
