New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
