Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
