shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
