Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize