i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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