you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was like giving head to a cactus.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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