ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
