I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
