all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
