I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
