i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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