Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
