yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
