so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
