I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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