I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
