She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want her autograph on my taint
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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