Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
