idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
