When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
