Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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