a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
