I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
