this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
