I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
