I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
