Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
