I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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