when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
