hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
