Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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