Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
