So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have already put on my inside pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
