Cold hands, warm shart.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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